I'm going to vent for a moment.
Because of a friendship that went sour, I now have to tip toe around at work and church for fear that I may run into this person or cause them to speak poorly about me to others that we both know. I stopped all of my communication attempts back in November per her request (if you read my other blog, you know how horrid my November was). I still miss the friendship we had before things went sour. I'm still unsure what caused the sourness in the first place, but I know that after witnessing the recent behavior of this individual, I have no intention of pursuing a close relationship with them unless God prompts me otherwise. I honestly still pray for this person and want them to heal from their past hurts. We confided in each other about our pasts and our struggles so I'm thankful I'm able to pray for this person in specific ways.
Anyway, I just hate the fact that I have to be careful around her friends for fear that they know about the bitterness she (may still) hold for me. I hate that we can't even say hello to each other when we pass. I hate that I'm so bitter with how she easily discarded our friendship with no communication as to why. I don't hate her, I don't even dislike her. I know that something must be going on with her to make her do this to me and the countless others that she was once close to. Something is wrong and I want to help her through it - but she's rejected my help. I've mourned the friendship and moved on.
Alright, I'm done venting now.
It's never easy to keep on with life knowing that something or someone is missing, and you had no say at all about that absence. All you can do is continue to pray and seek God's wisdom in all of it. He alone knows the full picture and He alone holds your heart in his hands. While that may not be comforting, it should at least help you deal with the eggshells. Life happens, you shouldn't hold yourself back for fear of what may or may not happen. Fear isn't a good thing. Rebuke it. If you bump into her, say hi and be on your way. If she says something snideful or demeaning, you have several options - one, ask her about it (probably not likely to happen) - two, continue to always be you and everyone will see you as you really are, not who someone else says you are, or three you could find a new church/work (also not likely) but at any rate, be open for whatever but do not fear. Be strong, have courage for the Lord is with you always wherever you go, whomever you interact with.
ReplyDeleteLove you friend and I miss you.
Awww I love you Gen!! I definitely am not going to leave our church family because of one person, I adore our church body. I've learned what services to attend so I can avoid seeing her, so that's helped. I'm sure she appreciates not seeing me, too.
ReplyDeleteSo when are you moving down here... :)